THOUGHTS

How would it feel to touch her body, feel her skin
Taste her lips, and then go deep within
Could we commit this sin
Forbidden thoughts
How soft are her lips, these voluptuous forms
What intimate deeds could we perform
If only she knew that for her my heart was warm
The pleasure storm
Forbidden thoughts
Subtle but intense, a burning passion
Kiss from navel to knee in lecherous fashion
To potent powers clashing
Forbidden thoughts
Your toes and the tip of my tongue
What if it was your clit my tongue
How intense would you cum
Forbidden thoughts
What if I gripped her body, stared into her eyes
What woman would I find, would I be startled or surprised
Upon knowing the intelligence of this woman would I still want to venture between her thighs
Forbidden thoughts
For now let me indulge in her presence, bask in her company
If I got closer how far would she run from me
I pain at the thought of not knowing her mind, tell me something
Forbidden thoughts
Friendship is what we have, and deep in my heart it’s what I want, its best
I just want to see that she can pass this life, complete this test
I feel all this I must confess
Get off my chest
Forbidden thoughts
I don’t really want her intimately, its just a previous Terrelle talking
In fact that’s what is basically, no footsteps, I did no walking
She is the nicest person, the kindest soul
In the league of women, a woman whole
Love blossoms, wait while I grasp this flower, no, please do not unfold
Rational thoughts
Don’t mind my smile, or the look in my eyes
Look over my body language, the aborted tries
What does my intent comprise
Its just a compromise
Rational thoughts
Maybe if we had meet before our current engagements started
Maybe if it was we that had went to school together then parted
If we had held hands together, I think she would have known that my actions where whole hearted
Li that is
Could you see our kids
Could you see that miz
If front of your name
in passion change
Would your heart inflame
Are these thought a shame
Rational thoughts
You’ve had me from the beginning
My soul is spinning
Don’t tare it loose
This I refuse
What do these thought amuse
Who do these thought amuse
Rational thoughts
Just give me one kiss
One moment of bliss
I wouldn’t be remiss
Full in this
But full in love
The warmest hug
A shoulder shrug
To a symbolic dove
Do you know what I speak of
Rational thoughts
I speak of the right of not
Denying this plot
The climatic spot
Where you climb on top
And, and, and………..
There I go again
Don’t let me trail on topic
If this passion comes back stop it
I know I must drop it
Love is a bountiful profit
Rational thoughts
Just let wallow
The truth I’ll swallow
I do not expect you to follow
Because the journey is long
It takes a beautiful bond
And a love thats strong
Lets rest at this pond
Beautilul thoughts
The lilies grow, in a sunlight’s blessing
I am still confessing
But the point is missing
We are there together
Rational thoughts
So what do you say
Do we walk this way
The path is green
I know somethings aren’t as they seem
If this is that case then let me dream
Drift drift drift away
Rational thoughts
We could venture far
Do you see that star
That’s our zenith, our acne, our destination
The pause is in your eyes I see it
Hmm its hesitation
Epiphany’s creation
What are you thinking
Beautiful thoughts



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Fight

The following quotes come from Lil Waynes "Get Over" song from Da Carter II album

"though it seems like they cheatn and we losin we survive if nothing they can never take the strive from struggling"

Lil Wayne

Lately i have noticed that i am only smiling while i am in the gym, and i couldnt help but wonder why this is so. Upon the adventure to the roots of this obsession, i relized the unnappearant(at that point), that i have an undying passion for becoming stronger. I have been in an ongoing struggle all my life, to start at the beggining i go back to my birth.

Born October 22, 1986(the best zodiac sign, libra, with the same number double digit birthday, adding to my extra balanced nature) i would live life to find out that i was the product of a one night stand. Now here comes the vague part, the part that is blurred into a barely coherrent smudge-my child hood.

I dont remember much about my child hood, i remember in clarity certain things and thats it, but vaguely the whole picture. Like i remember sitting on the steps at my moms old apartment with a friend sharing my froasted oatmel cookies and milk. Others such as the one of my uncle's girlfriend, or hype, taking a puddy toy i was playing with and making it where i would have to climb over her just to get it back(I was a little kid so of coarse i shied away from it). In frank thought, sexuality was introduced into my life at an early state. Lol, when i was little one of my other uncles use to call me "big dick domonick"(thats not how you spell my name, but u get the sound of how he said it). Proved detriomental in the long run so i guess that brief chuckle i just had has resided.

So i remember my childhood in episodes but i cant figure out what order they go in. I remember alot of small details that aren't really that great at all. Like i remember going to my fathers house as a child, because he stayed down the street from me, and when i went in and asked for him i remember a large dark figure(everything about that incident is dark) saying that i wasnt his child. then i went outside and sat on the curb, and after that the vague sets back in.

"Standing on stage in front of thousands dont amount to me not having my father, thats real talk i know alot of yall got but you need um way more when you gotta go without um, and i'm without um, but thats life yall, sometimes you gotta learn to swim with no life guard,i'm alright god, shit i'm still breathing, but lost hurt like bullets but i'm bout to start bleedin, through me down some comfort cause my heart need it"

So, i have had a big influence on my life by my family, but who hasnt. This post would take more time heart and persistence than i thought, so i am going to have to edit this something terrible.

"now smoke cush all day and pop pain killers, fuck who dont understand it this what the game did us, this what the streets showed us, this how the block made us"

For along time and till this day but not as much i drown some of my feelings with inebriation, but that only goes so far. I have come to terms with alot of things but somethings i cant reason with.

"straight patron out the bottle to the head now, we gettin red now, bitch my nigga dead, and all the things i never said i gotta say in now, i shouldve said it then now i gotta talk to clouds, now i gotta walk around brim down, tryin to find my way to the next day, escape"

The lost of a dear family member has taken its toll on all of my fam. she had to be one of the most if not the most vibrant person in our fam. We love you cousin. Then i lost a dear friend in a car accident, not so much as an accident as some crazy bitch purposely hitting her and my little brother as they walked from church(because they got into a arguement with her daughter). My brother survived with a broken leg, but my friend was put on life support then taken off, Jessica Duncan i love you and i still think about you. That proves detrimental to the heart to......on second thought i am going to have to finish this post some other time.

A Journey's End

She took away my heart, but gave me strength
Told me that I would be ok in just an eternity's length
She took away my smile, for wisdoms sake
Then told me that the person casted from this fire would be hard to break
I lost a part of me but still felt whole
Foolish of me to think that I was fired and no longer life's mold
My body still pulsates as if she was kissing my chest
She took away the pain, which was for the best
So long to the longing, I have reached a journey's end
Soulless sighs for a past life, as a new one begins
Rebuilding my bastions, fortifying a new heart
Getting ready for the time distant, alone, and apart
No tears for the past life, because it's already dead
No regrets about the actions, rationality has already been fed
Raise the flags, let them flutter continuously above the castle walls
Sound the trumpets of Renovation, the softest cry of love from a spirit so tall



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Heal My Heart

Ok, its like 5:10 am now and I'm just getting back form the hospital and my heart feels even worse than when i went. It started tonight when I got up off of the couch and I started coughing, my chest started hurting(had been hurting for about two weeks now) but tonight it was different. As I went up stairs and laid down it started hurting even more, even to the point I cried until I said enough was enough and went to the hospital. After four or five hours of the routine and screenings, al they said was that they think it is from me lifting weights and doing cardio, but I have been lifting weights for a year now, and I do at least five reps of 10 on 135, and atleast 2 reps of 5 on 185, and I do not hurt. I can flex and lift till my hearts delight, but my muscles do not hurt. It is my heart(I think) that causes all these sharp pains and liquid fire sensations in my chest(only the right side). So as I continue to try to find out whats wrong pray for me.

The Thrill Is Gone Away

Ok, I have been in this off and on relationship for about 14 months now, and despite the fact that I have felt a burning passion to keep it going for this long, I recently have lost the feeling for it. Now I tell myself thats it is becuase of the intensity I have poured into it for this long , and that I have just burned my interests out, but its really more to it than that. There are mounting deferences between the way the two of us conduct ourselves and thats becoming a problem. These differences of opinions on how things are or should be ran drives a big wedge between us, and I just dont feel it anymore. Do I love her, of coarse, but the feeling is gone.

The Morning Has Come

I went to a rejuvenating service at my grandmothers church today and I haven't felt this relieved in a long time. Towards the end of the service I began to shed some on the stress and pain I had been feeling through tears, and more I thought about those feelings the more I cried; but the more I cried the more I accepted how good it felt, which intern made me cry more. Those second tears though where of happiness, the joy of having this pain lifted of my body. The morning has come and I am better off then I was during the night.

Coming To Terms

I thought that if I pushed real hard it would all go away, that if I concentrated a certain amount of energy on it this physical power it would manifest into something that would just incinerate it in a large fury of flames and smoke. So I pressed and pressed for 14 years until it started pushing back, I could no longer tell it to be quiet, or go away, or let me function properly without it sitting in my subconscious whispering to me; without its grimacing smile and dark teeth grinding together in an acme of epicurean thoughts.

I was wrong. The day he got up from his chair I buckled to my knees, I expected him to kick me , to hurt me more, I expected him to lash me with a fire that would sere every inch of my soul, but he didn't. So for awhile I laid there, resting on my knees and palms, just waiting, shaking, crying because of what was, and what I assumed would be. He did nothing, and after a long period of time I looked up at him, his appearance had changed a lot since he had come out of the shadows. He wasn’t as nefariously looking as I though he did before, he was smooth and suave, he was clean and attractive.
He crouched down and caressed my face and with the most sympathetic eyes he spoke to my heart. "I'm sorry for what I am, but if you continue to run from me and push away, I can only hurt you more. I cause you the most tremendous pain, but I do not have to be like this to you. I know it’s hard but embrace me, understand me, it is only then I will help you grow." These sympathetic eyes where showing me the most love I had accepted to realize all of those fourteen years, he hugged me; then began again in my ear.

"I am pain, I can not help who I am, I know you do not like me, but if you are man enough to deal with me, I can be a tool that will help you evolve and grow in life. To perceive is to suffer, and either way you chose to go from here hurt I will still follow; but what can change is the way you analyze me, and the amount of distress I embody. I know no one has really explained life to you, but its not easy at any, I mean any, level." so as he hugged me, arms wrapped completely around my torso as mine were pinned to my side, he lifted me up, and made me open my eyes, he made me realize that with better handle of him, I would leave the condition I was in and become a better person. He made me a man, he taught how to treat others simply by what was done to me, he blueprinted my behavioral pattern, and made my heart present in every decision I made. He raised me.

Till this day I do not treat him as I did before, and I am not reluctant to show him in me to anyone else, because he told me that it was a major way in getting people to understand my plight, and evoke sincerity. Till this day I know that pain is not what will hold me down, but bring me up, push me to preserver, push me to fight. It is for this reason that I dedicate this to the pain I encounter in my life, I dedicate this to the major influence in humanitarianzing my being.

Lost on an Indigo Trail

I sat there in a trance; the only thing pulsating more than my eyes was my soul
I sat there feeling like my soul was being ripped from an existence I’ve tried so hard to unfold
It escaped, she freed it so effortlessly, her words pulled it out reaching for her mind
Kem leaned over my shoulder and sang softly into my ear, his songs and her words were of a pristine kind
I indulged in her words, sauntered in her heart, kissed every inch I could find
She had climaxed my heart to a state I had been trying to reach for a very long time

I read as much of her poetry as I could, afraid that to much of this ecstasy would be like flying to close to the sun on the indigo wings she so carefully placed on my back
I turned around slowly as if each fragment of each second could be savored, as if each millisecond was exact
Her smile was there, her crown draped down beautifully over onto her face, I walked toward her to clutch this queen
I would wander down to her breast but could not help to return to her eyes, the first beautiful things on her that I had seen
I would penetrate her, becoming inextricable with this poetic love, if fate would not intervene
Floetry harmonized, “its getting late” there where many things that could be done now it would seem

Lauren had taught me how to handle someone of this magnitude
I destroyed all of my bastions enabled by her blessing of new passionate fortitude
My body became inflamed
I caressed her as she came
She returned the favor all the same
My tongue ran across a landscape, a mahogany, quintessence of a plain

In that moment I would live forever
The way she combined a zenith of intellectual composition with her physical body was always clever
So for the rest of eternity I lived in that moment
Creating something more than verbs and nouns could capture, in this existence I would ferment
Passion was never absent, our aurora always brilliant, on a path of continual ascent
She warranted my body, with an appetite so flagrant, stop we mustn’t, our union was nascent
She is my India, my Heather, my Lauren, my Vivian, my Floetry, and my guilty pleasure, in our quarters, my salient savant



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Seduction

Picture by Luis Royo
 

Embrace

Picture by Luis Royo