Coming To Terms

I thought that if I pushed real hard it would all go away, that if I concentrated a certain amount of energy on it this physical power it would manifest into something that would just incinerate it in a large fury of flames and smoke. So I pressed and pressed for 14 years until it started pushing back, I could no longer tell it to be quiet, or go away, or let me function properly without it sitting in my subconscious whispering to me; without its grimacing smile and dark teeth grinding together in an acme of epicurean thoughts.

I was wrong. The day he got up from his chair I buckled to my knees, I expected him to kick me , to hurt me more, I expected him to lash me with a fire that would sere every inch of my soul, but he didn't. So for awhile I laid there, resting on my knees and palms, just waiting, shaking, crying because of what was, and what I assumed would be. He did nothing, and after a long period of time I looked up at him, his appearance had changed a lot since he had come out of the shadows. He wasn’t as nefariously looking as I though he did before, he was smooth and suave, he was clean and attractive.
He crouched down and caressed my face and with the most sympathetic eyes he spoke to my heart. "I'm sorry for what I am, but if you continue to run from me and push away, I can only hurt you more. I cause you the most tremendous pain, but I do not have to be like this to you. I know it’s hard but embrace me, understand me, it is only then I will help you grow." These sympathetic eyes where showing me the most love I had accepted to realize all of those fourteen years, he hugged me; then began again in my ear.

"I am pain, I can not help who I am, I know you do not like me, but if you are man enough to deal with me, I can be a tool that will help you evolve and grow in life. To perceive is to suffer, and either way you chose to go from here hurt I will still follow; but what can change is the way you analyze me, and the amount of distress I embody. I know no one has really explained life to you, but its not easy at any, I mean any, level." so as he hugged me, arms wrapped completely around my torso as mine were pinned to my side, he lifted me up, and made me open my eyes, he made me realize that with better handle of him, I would leave the condition I was in and become a better person. He made me a man, he taught how to treat others simply by what was done to me, he blueprinted my behavioral pattern, and made my heart present in every decision I made. He raised me.

Till this day I do not treat him as I did before, and I am not reluctant to show him in me to anyone else, because he told me that it was a major way in getting people to understand my plight, and evoke sincerity. Till this day I know that pain is not what will hold me down, but bring me up, push me to preserver, push me to fight. It is for this reason that I dedicate this to the pain I encounter in my life, I dedicate this to the major influence in humanitarianzing my being.

Lost on an Indigo Trail

I sat there in a trance; the only thing pulsating more than my eyes was my soul
I sat there feeling like my soul was being ripped from an existence I’ve tried so hard to unfold
It escaped, she freed it so effortlessly, her words pulled it out reaching for her mind
Kem leaned over my shoulder and sang softly into my ear, his songs and her words were of a pristine kind
I indulged in her words, sauntered in her heart, kissed every inch I could find
She had climaxed my heart to a state I had been trying to reach for a very long time

I read as much of her poetry as I could, afraid that to much of this ecstasy would be like flying to close to the sun on the indigo wings she so carefully placed on my back
I turned around slowly as if each fragment of each second could be savored, as if each millisecond was exact
Her smile was there, her crown draped down beautifully over onto her face, I walked toward her to clutch this queen
I would wander down to her breast but could not help to return to her eyes, the first beautiful things on her that I had seen
I would penetrate her, becoming inextricable with this poetic love, if fate would not intervene
Floetry harmonized, “its getting late” there where many things that could be done now it would seem

Lauren had taught me how to handle someone of this magnitude
I destroyed all of my bastions enabled by her blessing of new passionate fortitude
My body became inflamed
I caressed her as she came
She returned the favor all the same
My tongue ran across a landscape, a mahogany, quintessence of a plain

In that moment I would live forever
The way she combined a zenith of intellectual composition with her physical body was always clever
So for the rest of eternity I lived in that moment
Creating something more than verbs and nouns could capture, in this existence I would ferment
Passion was never absent, our aurora always brilliant, on a path of continual ascent
She warranted my body, with an appetite so flagrant, stop we mustn’t, our union was nascent
She is my India, my Heather, my Lauren, my Vivian, my Floetry, and my guilty pleasure, in our quarters, my salient savant



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Seduction

Picture by Luis Royo
 

Embrace

Picture by Luis Royo

Purify Me

Once again I stood in the shower washing away my sins
Once again I scrubbed hard trying to remove a filth that was beneath my skin
The cowardice, the weakness, the shame, and dishonor
The pain, the delight, the sadness, and regrets, I ponder
Once again when I will get the strength to break this cycle of pain
Once again when will I see the benefits of the gain
I have a problem, inextricable with my foundation
I have many issues, road blocks to some of my destinations
Once again I plea, is my father disappointed in me, I know I am
Once again he loves me, and shows me his grace, I know I can
So when I stop this cycle, I no longer will have to deal with my shame
Once again when I will know that I am the only one to blame



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Calm my spirit sooth my soul
For which is best to make me whole
Hear my words, feel my cries
Love me more, as all of me dies
Sing my song, caress my thought
Remember for honor is what I fought
Smile for me now, smile for me then
Treat me as we were the best of friends
Because when I’m gone I’ll express no more
Just remember my smile as I close the door



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Sontag

Sontag writes, "Harrowing photographs do not inevitably lose their power shock. But they are not much help if the task is to understand. Narratives can make us understand. Photographs do something else: they haunt us.
When we really evaluate the facile understanding we arrive at from ,just, looking at war photography, is it really an understanding? Do you honestly feel that from looking at a photo that have an understanding of the action taking place, is a photograph is meant to enlighten you about a matter or merely "haunt" and "shock" you? Explain.

My Sweet Departure from Her to Her

As I return to ash, a legacy so shall I leave behind
As I return to ash, so shall the secrets of my mind
I shall lock away my soul
Leave a story untold
As I return to ash, a rose shall unfold
My breath shall fragrant the air
My heart will be released from despair
As I return to ash, I shall realize I was never there
That I dwelled in the bouls, crying in the belly of the beast
That it was never the intent, for me to see the sun rise in the east
As I return to ash, my wings of sorrow shall hold my spirit down
So shall I existed in the bowls of this beast, so shall I be found
Limply sloshing around in the water, as the beast sluggishly ravishes waters of its own
As I return to ash, I shall wish to stay, I shall want to be gone
How long can I endure an existence, lying exhaustedly on this rock
How long will faith spit on me, and allow restless slumber in, so that I may be mocked
As I return to ash, I shall utter one word
My lips spoke softly, I smiled, my tears manifested into hummingbirds
The blue forms fluttered away, leaving behind the sparkles that comprised her brilliant eyes
Then tore a rift in my heart, as spacious as her smile was wide
As I return to ash, from this hole, thick black blood bled
My spirit shall rise, no longer as heavy as head
How I long for your arms embrace
How sweet was the moment, when your fingers caressed my face
How glorious will be the moment, when our souls occupy the same space
As I return to ash, my eyes shall I close
My soul shall rise from my lungs from my mouth, and to be held by the one I chose
As I return



Copyright © 2005 Domonique Murdock

Exclamation

He watched the feather as the wind smiled and swirled it about its fingers
He had forgotten how he had become an intrinsic part of fast paced life, and in this moment he wanted to linger
He smirked, then smiled, and slowly sunk back into reality
Then he realized that casting this beautiful bronze princess as a feather was a humble gesture, but it was an abnormality
She flowed more majestically, with a form more captivating
The soothing spell her movement placed on me made her beauty more scintillating
With skin kissed by candle light, and sensual inviting eyes
Parts of me could only hope to travel the path of the bead of sweat as it seductively voyaged from her nose, across her lips, down her chest, and to the inner core of her thighs
She flowed across the stage once more, and made contact with my heart
This was one exclamation dancer to which my soul did not wish to part



Copyright © 2005 Domonique Murdock

Distinguishing Her

Her smile is what invited me in
Her charisma is what coaxed me to stay
It wasn’t the beauty of her skin
Nor was her long beautiful hair, which calmed me as it would sway
She had more substance than others
She didn’t know it, but she knew how to make me smile
With a face that resembled the innocence of the goddess Venus’s child
I had never been attracted to someone so unlike myself
Do I even fall into her perception of handsome, were mutual feelings felt
If ever two different life forms experienced each other, that classroom was the place
Or were our differences only physical
I hoped that was the case
As of now I just ponder
Upon a beauty that stems from her soul
The only question I wonder
Is if two our two entities could possibly make a whole



Copyright © 2005 Domonique Murdock