A Journey's End

She took away my heart, but gave me strength
Told me that I would be ok in just an eternity's length
She took away my smile, for wisdoms sake
Then told me that the person casted from this fire would be hard to break
I lost a part of me but still felt whole
Foolish of me to think that I was fired and no longer life's mold
My body still pulsates as if she was kissing my chest
She took away the pain, which was for the best
So long to the longing, I have reached a journey's end
Soulless sighs for a past life, as a new one begins
Rebuilding my bastions, fortifying a new heart
Getting ready for the time distant, alone, and apart
No tears for the past life, because it's already dead
No regrets about the actions, rationality has already been fed
Raise the flags, let them flutter continuously above the castle walls
Sound the trumpets of Renovation, the softest cry of love from a spirit so tall



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Heal My Heart

Ok, its like 5:10 am now and I'm just getting back form the hospital and my heart feels even worse than when i went. It started tonight when I got up off of the couch and I started coughing, my chest started hurting(had been hurting for about two weeks now) but tonight it was different. As I went up stairs and laid down it started hurting even more, even to the point I cried until I said enough was enough and went to the hospital. After four or five hours of the routine and screenings, al they said was that they think it is from me lifting weights and doing cardio, but I have been lifting weights for a year now, and I do at least five reps of 10 on 135, and atleast 2 reps of 5 on 185, and I do not hurt. I can flex and lift till my hearts delight, but my muscles do not hurt. It is my heart(I think) that causes all these sharp pains and liquid fire sensations in my chest(only the right side). So as I continue to try to find out whats wrong pray for me.

The Thrill Is Gone Away

Ok, I have been in this off and on relationship for about 14 months now, and despite the fact that I have felt a burning passion to keep it going for this long, I recently have lost the feeling for it. Now I tell myself thats it is becuase of the intensity I have poured into it for this long , and that I have just burned my interests out, but its really more to it than that. There are mounting deferences between the way the two of us conduct ourselves and thats becoming a problem. These differences of opinions on how things are or should be ran drives a big wedge between us, and I just dont feel it anymore. Do I love her, of coarse, but the feeling is gone.

The Morning Has Come

I went to a rejuvenating service at my grandmothers church today and I haven't felt this relieved in a long time. Towards the end of the service I began to shed some on the stress and pain I had been feeling through tears, and more I thought about those feelings the more I cried; but the more I cried the more I accepted how good it felt, which intern made me cry more. Those second tears though where of happiness, the joy of having this pain lifted of my body. The morning has come and I am better off then I was during the night.

Coming To Terms

I thought that if I pushed real hard it would all go away, that if I concentrated a certain amount of energy on it this physical power it would manifest into something that would just incinerate it in a large fury of flames and smoke. So I pressed and pressed for 14 years until it started pushing back, I could no longer tell it to be quiet, or go away, or let me function properly without it sitting in my subconscious whispering to me; without its grimacing smile and dark teeth grinding together in an acme of epicurean thoughts.

I was wrong. The day he got up from his chair I buckled to my knees, I expected him to kick me , to hurt me more, I expected him to lash me with a fire that would sere every inch of my soul, but he didn't. So for awhile I laid there, resting on my knees and palms, just waiting, shaking, crying because of what was, and what I assumed would be. He did nothing, and after a long period of time I looked up at him, his appearance had changed a lot since he had come out of the shadows. He wasn’t as nefariously looking as I though he did before, he was smooth and suave, he was clean and attractive.
He crouched down and caressed my face and with the most sympathetic eyes he spoke to my heart. "I'm sorry for what I am, but if you continue to run from me and push away, I can only hurt you more. I cause you the most tremendous pain, but I do not have to be like this to you. I know it’s hard but embrace me, understand me, it is only then I will help you grow." These sympathetic eyes where showing me the most love I had accepted to realize all of those fourteen years, he hugged me; then began again in my ear.

"I am pain, I can not help who I am, I know you do not like me, but if you are man enough to deal with me, I can be a tool that will help you evolve and grow in life. To perceive is to suffer, and either way you chose to go from here hurt I will still follow; but what can change is the way you analyze me, and the amount of distress I embody. I know no one has really explained life to you, but its not easy at any, I mean any, level." so as he hugged me, arms wrapped completely around my torso as mine were pinned to my side, he lifted me up, and made me open my eyes, he made me realize that with better handle of him, I would leave the condition I was in and become a better person. He made me a man, he taught how to treat others simply by what was done to me, he blueprinted my behavioral pattern, and made my heart present in every decision I made. He raised me.

Till this day I do not treat him as I did before, and I am not reluctant to show him in me to anyone else, because he told me that it was a major way in getting people to understand my plight, and evoke sincerity. Till this day I know that pain is not what will hold me down, but bring me up, push me to preserver, push me to fight. It is for this reason that I dedicate this to the pain I encounter in my life, I dedicate this to the major influence in humanitarianzing my being.

Lost on an Indigo Trail

I sat there in a trance; the only thing pulsating more than my eyes was my soul
I sat there feeling like my soul was being ripped from an existence I’ve tried so hard to unfold
It escaped, she freed it so effortlessly, her words pulled it out reaching for her mind
Kem leaned over my shoulder and sang softly into my ear, his songs and her words were of a pristine kind
I indulged in her words, sauntered in her heart, kissed every inch I could find
She had climaxed my heart to a state I had been trying to reach for a very long time

I read as much of her poetry as I could, afraid that to much of this ecstasy would be like flying to close to the sun on the indigo wings she so carefully placed on my back
I turned around slowly as if each fragment of each second could be savored, as if each millisecond was exact
Her smile was there, her crown draped down beautifully over onto her face, I walked toward her to clutch this queen
I would wander down to her breast but could not help to return to her eyes, the first beautiful things on her that I had seen
I would penetrate her, becoming inextricable with this poetic love, if fate would not intervene
Floetry harmonized, “its getting late” there where many things that could be done now it would seem

Lauren had taught me how to handle someone of this magnitude
I destroyed all of my bastions enabled by her blessing of new passionate fortitude
My body became inflamed
I caressed her as she came
She returned the favor all the same
My tongue ran across a landscape, a mahogany, quintessence of a plain

In that moment I would live forever
The way she combined a zenith of intellectual composition with her physical body was always clever
So for the rest of eternity I lived in that moment
Creating something more than verbs and nouns could capture, in this existence I would ferment
Passion was never absent, our aurora always brilliant, on a path of continual ascent
She warranted my body, with an appetite so flagrant, stop we mustn’t, our union was nascent
She is my India, my Heather, my Lauren, my Vivian, my Floetry, and my guilty pleasure, in our quarters, my salient savant



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Seduction

Picture by Luis Royo
 

Embrace

Picture by Luis Royo

Purify Me

Once again I stood in the shower washing away my sins
Once again I scrubbed hard trying to remove a filth that was beneath my skin
The cowardice, the weakness, the shame, and dishonor
The pain, the delight, the sadness, and regrets, I ponder
Once again when I will get the strength to break this cycle of pain
Once again when will I see the benefits of the gain
I have a problem, inextricable with my foundation
I have many issues, road blocks to some of my destinations
Once again I plea, is my father disappointed in me, I know I am
Once again he loves me, and shows me his grace, I know I can
So when I stop this cycle, I no longer will have to deal with my shame
Once again when I will know that I am the only one to blame



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Calm my spirit sooth my soul
For which is best to make me whole
Hear my words, feel my cries
Love me more, as all of me dies
Sing my song, caress my thought
Remember for honor is what I fought
Smile for me now, smile for me then
Treat me as we were the best of friends
Because when I’m gone I’ll express no more
Just remember my smile as I close the door



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock