Observation

I wish my arms could erase the pain that you feel
Or all the things in life which you wished you didn't have to deal
The many times that you just wanted it all to stop
That it was into my chest you fell the many times you dropped
But I don’t want to unearth the pain or the shame
Cause when you died inside, love i did the same
Sleeves of your shirts hold a thousand fold tears
A heart that has left a body dormant over the years
All i have to offer to you are grass blades and autumn leaves
And the thought of knowing that I’ll never leave
My presence is not negative and I do intend to hurt
You are my little song bird and I’ll protect as you remain perched



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

The Rabbit's Hole

I reach
Tears Fall
I reach
I fall
No support
I fall
Abysmally
I fall
Catch my tears
Surpass them
I fall
Lasting pain
Wrap myself
Right then left
Cover my chest
I fall
Free
I reach
You let me
Fall



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

The Awakening 2

I regain consciousness as the roof drips a thick sweet liquid onto my face
I take time in gaining composure, I think I know this place
Slowly I wipe this substance form my forehead and into the vortex behind my lips
Remnants of Paris, Mallon, no I think...I think it was my African trip
I casually rise to a sitting position
In submission
A familiar sound approaches from behind
Roaring waters, so I close my eyes and open my mind
It hits
Quick
The same substance overwhelms me as I open my mouth and it rushes in
The submission is released as this tidal wave attaches to my skin
She releases her legs and I surface
She’s chagrined
She watches herself drip from my chin
I’m chagrined
I can’t resist deploying my tongue to pull it back in
We smile
She knows my style
Pearl, clit, lips, in succession
Devour the clit and I gain more possessions
She smiles
I smile



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Reflections For My Day

Real heroes are men who fall and fail and are flawed, but win out in the end because they’ve stayed true to their ideals and beliefs and commitments.
- Kevin Costner

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. . . It doesn’t happen all at once . . . It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.
Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
- “The Velveteen Rabbit or How Toys Become Real” by Margery Williams
(Hey!, I remember this movie)

Right actions for the future are the best apologies for wrong ones in the past. Tyron Edwards

He who is drowned is not troubled by the rain.
Chinese Proverb

Do not fear going forward slowly; fear only to stand still.
Chinese Proverb

Exhale

Departure
Long awaited, I release what I hold within
Escape through my lungs into the breeze
Whirl and swirl in the wind, escape with the season
Escape me and this
Live a long fruitful life apart from your parasitic bind to me
I free you to a world that can accommodate better than I
Escape



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Rapturous Soul

Of my love
Of my breath
Of the passion in my chest
Of the earth
Of the sea
Of my farther
And of me
You are of all things but incorporate so much more
You are the love that I fathom and search for
The atoms of my essence sing songs of your grace
The blue jewel of your mind offsets the frustration of our pace
To be lyrically yours I must exhale
The Urban Butterfly carries me so I can not fail
Of my arms but wholly my strength
Delaleuverses run through my mind as I hide behind the slump façade of the trench
Watching the fireworks of shells saunter overhead, all I have is Joy
Iron be soul, may the result of this battle field be Beautifully Imperfect Acuity after I deploy



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock




I deeply apologize that I do not post often; I have certain restriction that limit my postings, but you guys are always on my mind. I hope you can find the hints of yourself in this post.

I Could Not Stop For Death

When left with but a memory and vagueness of the your tone
My eyes can only but water at the thought that you are gone
You asked if I was sleeping, maybe in hopes that you could to
Now you are the one who is sleeping, and I who wishes to join you

“I could not stop for death
So he kindly stopped for me”
And took away my friend
But placed her in eternity

He may have hung his head
And regretted what he had to do
Did so with this softest touch
But the fact remains true

There is a hollow in heart
Pseudo occupied with sadness and grief not only for us
“I could not stop for death”
So he kindly left me Justice

In loving memory of Trish



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Happy Birthday

Since tomorrow is my birthday I suggest that we all get but naked and do shots of each other, LOL, no I am to old fashioned for that, but I do suggest we celebrate. Any ideas?

Still I Cry 2

I cry because you love me and I am afraid to love you back
I cry because I know that there are a lot of things that I lack
Because I've severed bonds that I hold so dear
I cry because there is an end that I do not fear
I cry because I need to take a stand
I cry because I quiet my inner man
I cry because Corinne Bailey Rae healed me a little when I wasn't trying to be
I cry because when I run into the darkness for refuge there is a love that I still can see
Because excepting responsibility is always present and demanding
I cry because with you I don't know my current standing
I cry because it is the only way I know to lift the weight
I cry because all the beauty inside me is trying to escape
I know that I spiral down into the abymaloldsoullove when I close my eyes
But I cry because I stand behind myself whispering lies
I cry because I allow myself to
I cry because I keep myself from loving you



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Subvertion

I like you because you are a forbidden possession
I'll bite my lip and think surreptitious thoughts
A fact that continues to fuel this burning obsession
Because you have the delicacy of which i sought
A juicy pleasure which leaks its desire

An oral advocate devouring the wet realms of life

I know the perfect place for my pleasures to transpire
Again tongue subverts clit tonight



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Belonging

I've exhausted my mind
I feel in time, the eternal drought will set
And the remaining life will shrivel and die, signifying the last look back upon a past
A shattered looking glass
Becomes a kaleidoscope of lies
No longer do have my eyes
So the truths are gone
And I belong now to a new world
I belong now
I Belong



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Tonight

Tonight all secrets are told
The stories unfold
Tonight one scripture one verse
all truths unearth
Tonight one light
One table
Tonight non-fiction non-fable
Two men set out to achieve
What all others disbelieve
The rhetoric of life
The black mans plight
A key to survival
Tonight
All sounds are mute
spoken symbols transmute
Into things that ring and chime
Into a soul sublime
subliminal messages and notes
The philosophers quote
The philosopher's stone
Blink and our history is gone
Tonight I drop the sheraid
All roads are paved For an autumn walk
Perception is fraught
Tonight I'm Liberated
In Christ inebriated
The undertone is set
The receiver receives the point
Tonight will be the best night yet



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Manual Shutdown

How do you comfort the eyes that have shed a thousand fold tears
Gently touch the heart that has closed the doors behind itself because it has given up on love over the years
Kiss the chest once warm that has ceased to hold burning passion and has become cold
How do you embrace the arms that have become chilled because of the affliction that has convinced them not to hold
Reignite the mind that controlled all of these functions but has lost the will to indulge in the metaphysical
Now it has deemed emotions insignificant and categorized them with the whimsical
Heal the palms that bleed, quiver, and convulse from the absence of something to grasp
How do you prevent the soul from relapse
I was there I witnessed the previous state
If it goes there is no coming back, the first time was a miracle escape



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

A Short

I like you because you are a forbidden possession
I'll bite my lip and think surreptitious thoughts
A fact that continues to fuel this burning obsession
Because you have the delicacy of which i sought
A juicy pleasure which leaks with cognizance of my desire
An oral advocate of something that could take place within the wet realms of the walls of life
I know the perfect place for my pleasures to transpire
All is revealed and no exceptions are made tonight



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Questions

Should I experience you today, should I snatch you from the heavens as a filler and dim your internal eternal light? If I experience you, you are now longer my Thou but an It, He or She, thing amongst things; indeed it is inevitable that I experience you and you leave the realm of thou and become it, but does that have to be today? Is the extraction of your beauty necessary, can I just leave you as thou and be contempt with this existence, can I defy my human nature? If the love i have for you dwells between the I and Thou but is the responsibility of the I for the Thou does that mean that I can only be and an I in order to love you? If this is so then that means that I have had to be experienced by you before you love me and for me to love you, and if love does not cling to the I but dwells between the I and the Thou are you sophisticated enough to love me? If "In the eyes of him who takes his stand in love, and gazes out of it, men are cut free from their entanglement in bustling activity. Good people and evil, wise and foolish, beautiful and ugly, become successively real to him; that is, set free they step forth in singleness, and comfront him as Thou."(Buber 28), does that mean that my love for you will rejuvinate you as Thou? Can you distinguish the difference between feelings and love? If "Feelings dwell in man; but man dwells in his love." (Buber 28), do you understand that feelings are intertained and my love can not be, but will come to pass? That "Feelings are metaphysical" (Buber 28). Should I experience you today?

Just a Poem I Wrote For a Friend

Playing to the looking glass self she can’t see the beauty that she is losing
Not quite sure how to handle the present circumstances her heart is the only thing that is bruising
So the cure is missing and now she is looking for a new answer
If she spends to much time in the dark then I fear that the solutions will past her
She has the will to be a great woman but her spirit is currently low
All she needs is a guiding hand to help her find which way to go
She encompasses great beauty so the problem she is currently having can be easily resolved
Her inner light will show when this outer layer of pain is dissolved
So hold your head up high love, you are a product of many strong black women that have past
It is form their love, perseverance, and will that your life was cast



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

I and Thou

The following is a excerpt from a book I am reading and I would like to share it with you, it is in coalition with a speech communications class that I am taking and I can't begin to tell you how insightful and great this class is.

"If I FACE A HUMAN BEING AS MY THOU, and I say the primary word I-Thou to him, he is not a thing among things, and does not consist of things.

Thus human being is not He or She, bounded from every other He and She, and a specific point in space and time within the net of the world; nor is he a nature able to be experienced and described, a loose bundle of named qualities. But with no neighbor, and whole within himself, he is the Thou that fills the heavens. This does not mean that nothing exists except himself. But all else lives in his light."

I recommend that this book be read, but hey, that's just me

Self fulfilling Prophecy

In the begging I was, I felt my life
I felt a loving in the darkness of night
I knew that I had meaning and that somehow I reasoned
I was privy to a knowledge as pristine as my being
My slate was my own and I would write its tale
I would reach a zenith I which all others failed
I started to conjure my knowledge and about nine months in time
I was birthed from my pool of wisdom leaving all my knowledge behind
Now I am vulnerable and others my began to write in my book
I had no strength to stop them, I could only look
They imprinted symbols and the knowledge of flesh
They however failed to write the purpose of this quest
I lacked the I but the me was given
The looking glass self stood tall while the I seemed to not be living
I must find who my I in the mist of this all
I am thou, I have known this all the while
I thirst for a knowledge that I am still seeking
But as long as I am here about my identity I am thinking



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

A TEST I DID, HOPE IT GIVES INSIGHT

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion 40% Stability 63% Orderliness 56% Accommodation 63% Interdependence 63% Intellectual 76% Mystical 50% Artistic 70% Religious 90% Hedonism 43% Materialism 50% Narcissism 43% Adventurousness 50% Work ethic 43% Self absorbed 56% Conflict seeking 50% Need to dominate 50% Romantic 83% Avoidant 10% Anti-authority 30% Wealth 50% Dependency 23% Change averse 30% Cautiousness 76% Individuality 56% Sexuality 83% Peter pan complex 43% Physical security 43% Physical Fitness 57% Histrionic 30% Paranoia 70% Vanity 56% Hypersensitivity 56% Female cliche 30%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

A WISH THAT A TEAR WILL UNITE

Find the answer to the riddle and once you have give it deep thought, and maybe the tear that i shed today wouldnt have been in vain.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=72119284

MY SCARS REMIND ME MY PAST IS REAL

Two cratered hands apply pressure directly to my chest
Nails grip and tear through flesh, blood begins to pour, and I begin a new quest
I spread open my flesh, vessels, muscle, veins, and bones
Bearing a grimacing face, tearful eyes, with gritted teeth breaking like brittle stone
Blood engulfs fingers, and pain engulfs flesh as I create a new wound
I tear my heart open just to let it bleed
My weakness is that I have self-attributing needs
The pain is invisible but I can’t hide the scars
Remnants of a past filled with self crusading wars
So it is with this act that I reopen a tomb
I tare my heart open because my past is tall
With countless stains I must uninstall
I lose self identity between the I and the Me
But I’ll always return to a fruitful tree




Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

A short

The softest whisper carried the loudest cry
The unpierced lips always asked why
The most humble spirit, boasted the strongest heart
The messiest ka has the most perfect start
Intangible truths hold the most perceptive lies
I'll accept this new life as my old one dies
The smallest footsteps have trekked thousands of miles
The iron casted heart still has the ability to smile
Perception of self will change with era
As the truths of life become even scarier
Perception of self will change with era
And the truths of life will become even scarier
The soul of one will move the world
While even the most intense values of the one are still with held



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Something I had to do for something else

This is something i had to do for class, i may or may not have any importance

In defining who I am as the person I have come to embody, the most important factor in my indenity wheel is journey. I feel that is through journey that I have come to essence. My perception of my inception is not as glossed as I would have liked it to be but I don't think I would change it, I feel that a change would result in a lose of character and wisdom. Through this channel I can incorporate all of the residual factors on my idenity wheel, I am the culmination of a fulmination. I use the term embody for a specific reason, I have always felt that I did not entirely develope into the person I am, just that I chose to accept the person that was already there. For a long time even back when I was younger I have told myself that my problem was never if I understand a situation, but if I chose to accept it. I can't seem to think that there is an important factor to me, its hard to choose one thing over the next. With journey I can incorporate my passion, honor, wisdom, malice, weakness, power, and everything else that makes my indenity mine. A leading spoke in the run for importancy on my indenity wheel would have to be choice, I feel this is the most powerful asset I have. This might sound corny, but my favorite movie is the matrix, no not for all the animation and graphics, but for the plight of the protagonist. This is also my favorite movie because of the antagonist Mr. Smith, not only is his rhetoric great, but he inspires and creates the person that the protagonist becomes. My favorite dialog from the movie is "Why, Mr. Anderson? Why? Why, why do you do it? Why, why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something, for more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is, do you even know? Is it freedom, or truth, perhaps peace, could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson, vagaries of perception. Temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose! And all of them as artificial as the matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it Mr. Anderson, you must know it by now. You can't win, it's pointless to keep fighting! Why, Mr. Anderson, why? Why do you persist?", it is at the moment that Neo stands up and utters the most beautiful words I have ever heard, "because I choose to". I am very interested in the aspects of life and human nature all together so I cant equate my assertion of importancy to one factor, this I must reiterate, but I value all the contributing factors that helped create who I am. The least important factor on my indenity wheel would have to be age because I feel that I live my life through self-improvement and not years. Although I am going on 20 now, I have always thought the same way, atleast when it comes down to important matters. One of my biggest principles is honor, I feel that I shouldn't do anything thing unless I can find honor it. Don't get me wrong I am human, I am by no means perfect, but I strive for a level of good character. My age has never really mattered to me, I have always believed that the concepts and theories that I have drawn while living meant more to me than age. "When ever you are unsure of what to do in life do the hardest thing to do, because nine times out of ten it will be the best thing for you to do", such quotes as these is what I live my life by-I know a lot more too. So my idenity is the culmination of a long trail of tribulations past and ones to come.

It Brews Inside Me

I deleted this whole post in hope that just this pic will let you know how I feel

A Voyage to Jordan

I reached down within, trying to grasp an object deeply placed
Then pulled pulled out a bloody clenched fist with an object that had been erased
Smeared, askew, and molted but this thing was so dear
It was my inner child, curled up and manned by fears
Shivering and crying alone and apart
I had to restore myself to beauty and this was the start
So i made my journey, one that stretch as long as time could bare
But I had to travel to this place, I needed what was there
So i reached it, exhausted, and barely able to stand
But i was amazed that the river of Jordan even purified the land
With slow steps i walked into the waters shivering with a face full of tears
I looked down and kissed my object as i was submerged by the waters crossing over onto a new frontier
But somewhere somehow something went wrong
I dont quite recall what happened but we stayed under too long
The black set in and the blue became cold
The air left my lungs, a situation i know longer controlled
That day we both died, it was for us whom deaths bell tolls



I wanted to end this one on a lighter note but in the mist of it all i couldn't do it. Have u ever had one of those feelings like some set a ton on your chest? Well thats what happened, but then i thought, if there is one nice place i could lie down for eternal rest the river of Jordan would be it. Thanks for reading, you all have all my concern and love. Now get outta here.


MY BABY



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

An Extraction of Beauty

As the tears of heaven fall down gently with grace
I'll look up smiling reborn as each droplet hits my face

We never really leave beauty with out taking something for our selves, so this is inpart due to a dear friend's blog.

1. What is your favorite word?
Choice, the most powerful asset i have

2. What is your least favorite word?
Alone, my biggest fear

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Life, and the prestine beings that God made from Adam

4. What turns you off?
Negativity, nonrealization of self beauty

5. What's your favorite curse word?
Bitch, note-none of my curse words are ever used at women oustide of family that i can joke with

6. What sound or noise do you love?
The way Floetry talks, especially the way she moans on "Getting Late"

7. What sound or noise do you hate?
A child crying, only because i love kids so much

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Stripping

9. What profession would you not like to participate in?
Anything that comes on that show The Worst Dirtiest Jobs" or something like that

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"I love you" "Your heart is healed" "Your family always knew how much you loved them"

Still I Cry

A lonely tear on a cheek void with space
A broken heart trying desperately to replace
A soul ablaze, consumed by the oppression of anger
A lonely being, to its ownself a stranger
Kiss me softly and tell me that I will be ok
Tell me that the sun will shine and that my tears will be dried by each pleasant ray
That the fire will dim quenched by the rapids of rapturous waters
That my perception will change and times won't seem harder
Tell me you love me
Tell me I make you whole
Say that there is no one above me
Say that I am the only one you will console
I need you right now
I'll need you always
You make me better somehow
Your smile still brightens my days
Reassure my heart
Induce my mind
Just tell me that all things get better in time



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Akilah

An intimate kiss, this familiar touch
I'll squeeze her body, because I love her so much
Her eyes will pierce, they will search and prod
But I won't mind this act , she is my gift from God
I've received loves bounty, I'm embracing its advent
For all the love I have given, this treasure has been sent
Written on silk,a letter of advice
Be nice
Take care of the gift that I have bestowed unto you
Because as the your bodies will wither, this love will always remain true
Like you she is created in my image, love her as u love me
And I promise u that this love will last for an eternity
I will keep you close, and your hearts intertwined
Adore my gift to you, make sure her concern is the first thing on your mind
My son I know your heart, and the man I have made you to be
But I also know your weaknesses and I have faith that in that this love u will succeed
So I'll fold this note, put it in my heart because this is one that I should not discard
And I'll review its message later when the times becomes hard
But for now I'll enjoy her kiss, its intimacy is sweet
An intimate retreat
To a repeat
To a place in my mind, where this has existed
But now I understand that it was a point in time, that my father gave me to under the listed
Title of, "A reward to my son"
So this is the sum, of the previous chapters
A rapturous soul
Now an assuasive whole
With the love of Akilah
The nights are calm, and the days carry a gentle breeze
I'll smile, blessed child of the lord with his all mighty guarantee



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

More Shorts

The truth is I'm incomplete, more development is to come
So I search for the sages wisdom, a quest that has conjured a thousand suns
Life is a labyrinth, a test to which many great men have fell
So if I don't emerge from the other end, I bid my farewells
I loved with my essence, I judged with my heart
I've conjured and joined my smiles and cries which have stood so far apart
Born of the earth, I've witnessed the rebirth of the land
Given my concern to all things, whether they be small or grand
So if I do not succeed unto you will return my love
Just know that my father and I will rain unto you blessings from above



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

HAPPY BIRTHMONTH

Yeah so my sites actual birtday isnt until the 23, but i though that i would get it cracking right now. Just like a baby this sight has slept through most of its first year, but hey cut um some slack. I've been reviewing some of my old post and i cant help but to smile at some of the poetry that i have put up on here. Although, i wish i had the stuff i wrote in high school too, i'll just have to make due. So expect something special this month...

Yeah I stole them but so what

Love them, they came from us (Thats my own caption though :-p)

He gave ME life

Ok, i stole these from http://pearl-life.blogspot.com/ but so what, sue-dont do that though.

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE

THIS MY TOWN MY HOME

THIS MY CROWN MY THRONE

THIS IS ME ON MY OWN

SO GUESS WHAT NIGGAS

LETS GET IT ON

For Her To Know

Albert Einstein: Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.

Do you know that I breath
Are you cognizant that I lived
Where you aware of all the love I have to give
That my heart would some times ceast
And my bones would sometimes ache
Please tell me you saw that i lived for your sake
That your lips formed my smile
That my soul was in your eyes
Your tears where my tears because my cheeks carried your cries
That you where the reason that Shakespeare wrote sonnet 116
And you are the reason that god gave us the ability to dream



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

A short

Its always dim until I take off the shades
Its always sunny but I stayed inside most days
There was always help, but l looked the other way
So accept the reality Terrelle
What you have is what you made



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Photos

http://crushspot.com/profile.php?u=EuphoricPain

The Allure

Could you tell that I am tired , or that its been a long fight
Or cold you see straight through my soul and better understand my plight
A long battle to which an end soon nears
An exposure of weakness and fidelity to fears
Could you see wind and time caressing my face as it passes by
Or could you see straight through the embellishment and tell that I"m high



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

In the silence of night I scrambled through the shambles, remnants of a fulmination of a present life
In the silence of night I pondered upon a culmination, arguable perceived positive, the acne of my plight
The moon shown beautifully, naked in a starless sky, still and like me alone
I smiled, looked back to shambles, content with the fact that the muss was not made of stone
In the silence of night I fiddled slightly, gracing my shambles with my finger tips slowly and lightly, just to fell that cool sensation transduce into a feeling of euphoric cognition
What noesis was fermenting in the realms of my mind to make me engage in this physical inquisition
So I continued to inquire and what transpired would be, another fulmination, this time making messes on the rest of me
In the silence of night I would soon fall asleep



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

The Culmination of a Fulmination

Tempus Fruget

It's been awhile, and I regret not posting anything since my last post but hey time flies. The old bald cheater has been kind to me lately and time has been working to my favor a bit. To start my last post was the result of a deleted post that I made about a special encounter with a certain someone that the poem forbidden thoughts was about, but that party did not wish for me to disclose of the information because of our relationship with each other so I had to delete it and leave just that.

So it's for all the reasons that serendipity and bad luck have conjured that i devote the sond "It's Been Awhile" by Staind. You should listen to it, its nice.

The update is that I am stressed, well not so much stressed as frustrated, with dating. To much to go through to figure out, and evaluate someone. So I have not given up but I am not going to be proactive about it. I am working now, thank God, and its proving to be a steady job. Pays ok, considering the standard of living in Houston-great if you ask me, one of the best. I dont have that many responsibilites anyway. My mother gave me her expedition, nice, 22 inch rims, in dash and hanging screens and all, but its horrible(12.3 mpg) on gas. Umm, I am thinking that I am warming up as a person, being more social than I have been.

I am taking care of my court situation, trying to get this stuff over with. I actually went today and i have to go back soon. I guess I am doing well for myself. There is so much more but I am getting lost in the music so it all slipping my mind at this point, maybe later.............

THOUGHTS

How would it feel to touch her body, feel her skin
Taste her lips, and then go deep within
Could we commit this sin
Forbidden thoughts
How soft are her lips, these voluptuous forms
What intimate deeds could we perform
If only she knew that for her my heart was warm
The pleasure storm
Forbidden thoughts
Subtle but intense, a burning passion
Kiss from navel to knee in lecherous fashion
To potent powers clashing
Forbidden thoughts
Your toes and the tip of my tongue
What if it was your clit my tongue
How intense would you cum
Forbidden thoughts
What if I gripped her body, stared into her eyes
What woman would I find, would I be startled or surprised
Upon knowing the intelligence of this woman would I still want to venture between her thighs
Forbidden thoughts
For now let me indulge in her presence, bask in her company
If I got closer how far would she run from me
I pain at the thought of not knowing her mind, tell me something
Forbidden thoughts
Friendship is what we have, and deep in my heart it’s what I want, its best
I just want to see that she can pass this life, complete this test
I feel all this I must confess
Get off my chest
Forbidden thoughts
I don’t really want her intimately, its just a previous Terrelle talking
In fact that’s what is basically, no footsteps, I did no walking
She is the nicest person, the kindest soul
In the league of women, a woman whole
Love blossoms, wait while I grasp this flower, no, please do not unfold
Rational thoughts
Don’t mind my smile, or the look in my eyes
Look over my body language, the aborted tries
What does my intent comprise
Its just a compromise
Rational thoughts
Maybe if we had meet before our current engagements started
Maybe if it was we that had went to school together then parted
If we had held hands together, I think she would have known that my actions where whole hearted
Li that is
Could you see our kids
Could you see that miz
If front of your name
in passion change
Would your heart inflame
Are these thought a shame
Rational thoughts
You’ve had me from the beginning
My soul is spinning
Don’t tare it loose
This I refuse
What do these thought amuse
Who do these thought amuse
Rational thoughts
Just give me one kiss
One moment of bliss
I wouldn’t be remiss
Full in this
But full in love
The warmest hug
A shoulder shrug
To a symbolic dove
Do you know what I speak of
Rational thoughts
I speak of the right of not
Denying this plot
The climatic spot
Where you climb on top
And, and, and………..
There I go again
Don’t let me trail on topic
If this passion comes back stop it
I know I must drop it
Love is a bountiful profit
Rational thoughts
Just let wallow
The truth I’ll swallow
I do not expect you to follow
Because the journey is long
It takes a beautiful bond
And a love thats strong
Lets rest at this pond
Beautilul thoughts
The lilies grow, in a sunlight’s blessing
I am still confessing
But the point is missing
We are there together
Rational thoughts
So what do you say
Do we walk this way
The path is green
I know somethings aren’t as they seem
If this is that case then let me dream
Drift drift drift away
Rational thoughts
We could venture far
Do you see that star
That’s our zenith, our acne, our destination
The pause is in your eyes I see it
Hmm its hesitation
Epiphany’s creation
What are you thinking
Beautiful thoughts



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Fight

The following quotes come from Lil Waynes "Get Over" song from Da Carter II album

"though it seems like they cheatn and we losin we survive if nothing they can never take the strive from struggling"

Lil Wayne

Lately i have noticed that i am only smiling while i am in the gym, and i couldnt help but wonder why this is so. Upon the adventure to the roots of this obsession, i relized the unnappearant(at that point), that i have an undying passion for becoming stronger. I have been in an ongoing struggle all my life, to start at the beggining i go back to my birth.

Born October 22, 1986(the best zodiac sign, libra, with the same number double digit birthday, adding to my extra balanced nature) i would live life to find out that i was the product of a one night stand. Now here comes the vague part, the part that is blurred into a barely coherrent smudge-my child hood.

I dont remember much about my child hood, i remember in clarity certain things and thats it, but vaguely the whole picture. Like i remember sitting on the steps at my moms old apartment with a friend sharing my froasted oatmel cookies and milk. Others such as the one of my uncle's girlfriend, or hype, taking a puddy toy i was playing with and making it where i would have to climb over her just to get it back(I was a little kid so of coarse i shied away from it). In frank thought, sexuality was introduced into my life at an early state. Lol, when i was little one of my other uncles use to call me "big dick domonick"(thats not how you spell my name, but u get the sound of how he said it). Proved detriomental in the long run so i guess that brief chuckle i just had has resided.

So i remember my childhood in episodes but i cant figure out what order they go in. I remember alot of small details that aren't really that great at all. Like i remember going to my fathers house as a child, because he stayed down the street from me, and when i went in and asked for him i remember a large dark figure(everything about that incident is dark) saying that i wasnt his child. then i went outside and sat on the curb, and after that the vague sets back in.

"Standing on stage in front of thousands dont amount to me not having my father, thats real talk i know alot of yall got but you need um way more when you gotta go without um, and i'm without um, but thats life yall, sometimes you gotta learn to swim with no life guard,i'm alright god, shit i'm still breathing, but lost hurt like bullets but i'm bout to start bleedin, through me down some comfort cause my heart need it"

So, i have had a big influence on my life by my family, but who hasnt. This post would take more time heart and persistence than i thought, so i am going to have to edit this something terrible.

"now smoke cush all day and pop pain killers, fuck who dont understand it this what the game did us, this what the streets showed us, this how the block made us"

For along time and till this day but not as much i drown some of my feelings with inebriation, but that only goes so far. I have come to terms with alot of things but somethings i cant reason with.

"straight patron out the bottle to the head now, we gettin red now, bitch my nigga dead, and all the things i never said i gotta say in now, i shouldve said it then now i gotta talk to clouds, now i gotta walk around brim down, tryin to find my way to the next day, escape"

The lost of a dear family member has taken its toll on all of my fam. she had to be one of the most if not the most vibrant person in our fam. We love you cousin. Then i lost a dear friend in a car accident, not so much as an accident as some crazy bitch purposely hitting her and my little brother as they walked from church(because they got into a arguement with her daughter). My brother survived with a broken leg, but my friend was put on life support then taken off, Jessica Duncan i love you and i still think about you. That proves detrimental to the heart to......on second thought i am going to have to finish this post some other time.

A Journey's End

She took away my heart, but gave me strength
Told me that I would be ok in just an eternity's length
She took away my smile, for wisdoms sake
Then told me that the person casted from this fire would be hard to break
I lost a part of me but still felt whole
Foolish of me to think that I was fired and no longer life's mold
My body still pulsates as if she was kissing my chest
She took away the pain, which was for the best
So long to the longing, I have reached a journey's end
Soulless sighs for a past life, as a new one begins
Rebuilding my bastions, fortifying a new heart
Getting ready for the time distant, alone, and apart
No tears for the past life, because it's already dead
No regrets about the actions, rationality has already been fed
Raise the flags, let them flutter continuously above the castle walls
Sound the trumpets of Renovation, the softest cry of love from a spirit so tall



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Heal My Heart

Ok, its like 5:10 am now and I'm just getting back form the hospital and my heart feels even worse than when i went. It started tonight when I got up off of the couch and I started coughing, my chest started hurting(had been hurting for about two weeks now) but tonight it was different. As I went up stairs and laid down it started hurting even more, even to the point I cried until I said enough was enough and went to the hospital. After four or five hours of the routine and screenings, al they said was that they think it is from me lifting weights and doing cardio, but I have been lifting weights for a year now, and I do at least five reps of 10 on 135, and atleast 2 reps of 5 on 185, and I do not hurt. I can flex and lift till my hearts delight, but my muscles do not hurt. It is my heart(I think) that causes all these sharp pains and liquid fire sensations in my chest(only the right side). So as I continue to try to find out whats wrong pray for me.

The Thrill Is Gone Away

Ok, I have been in this off and on relationship for about 14 months now, and despite the fact that I have felt a burning passion to keep it going for this long, I recently have lost the feeling for it. Now I tell myself thats it is becuase of the intensity I have poured into it for this long , and that I have just burned my interests out, but its really more to it than that. There are mounting deferences between the way the two of us conduct ourselves and thats becoming a problem. These differences of opinions on how things are or should be ran drives a big wedge between us, and I just dont feel it anymore. Do I love her, of coarse, but the feeling is gone.

The Morning Has Come

I went to a rejuvenating service at my grandmothers church today and I haven't felt this relieved in a long time. Towards the end of the service I began to shed some on the stress and pain I had been feeling through tears, and more I thought about those feelings the more I cried; but the more I cried the more I accepted how good it felt, which intern made me cry more. Those second tears though where of happiness, the joy of having this pain lifted of my body. The morning has come and I am better off then I was during the night.

Coming To Terms

I thought that if I pushed real hard it would all go away, that if I concentrated a certain amount of energy on it this physical power it would manifest into something that would just incinerate it in a large fury of flames and smoke. So I pressed and pressed for 14 years until it started pushing back, I could no longer tell it to be quiet, or go away, or let me function properly without it sitting in my subconscious whispering to me; without its grimacing smile and dark teeth grinding together in an acme of epicurean thoughts.

I was wrong. The day he got up from his chair I buckled to my knees, I expected him to kick me , to hurt me more, I expected him to lash me with a fire that would sere every inch of my soul, but he didn't. So for awhile I laid there, resting on my knees and palms, just waiting, shaking, crying because of what was, and what I assumed would be. He did nothing, and after a long period of time I looked up at him, his appearance had changed a lot since he had come out of the shadows. He wasn’t as nefariously looking as I though he did before, he was smooth and suave, he was clean and attractive.
He crouched down and caressed my face and with the most sympathetic eyes he spoke to my heart. "I'm sorry for what I am, but if you continue to run from me and push away, I can only hurt you more. I cause you the most tremendous pain, but I do not have to be like this to you. I know it’s hard but embrace me, understand me, it is only then I will help you grow." These sympathetic eyes where showing me the most love I had accepted to realize all of those fourteen years, he hugged me; then began again in my ear.

"I am pain, I can not help who I am, I know you do not like me, but if you are man enough to deal with me, I can be a tool that will help you evolve and grow in life. To perceive is to suffer, and either way you chose to go from here hurt I will still follow; but what can change is the way you analyze me, and the amount of distress I embody. I know no one has really explained life to you, but its not easy at any, I mean any, level." so as he hugged me, arms wrapped completely around my torso as mine were pinned to my side, he lifted me up, and made me open my eyes, he made me realize that with better handle of him, I would leave the condition I was in and become a better person. He made me a man, he taught how to treat others simply by what was done to me, he blueprinted my behavioral pattern, and made my heart present in every decision I made. He raised me.

Till this day I do not treat him as I did before, and I am not reluctant to show him in me to anyone else, because he told me that it was a major way in getting people to understand my plight, and evoke sincerity. Till this day I know that pain is not what will hold me down, but bring me up, push me to preserver, push me to fight. It is for this reason that I dedicate this to the pain I encounter in my life, I dedicate this to the major influence in humanitarianzing my being.

Lost on an Indigo Trail

I sat there in a trance; the only thing pulsating more than my eyes was my soul
I sat there feeling like my soul was being ripped from an existence I’ve tried so hard to unfold
It escaped, she freed it so effortlessly, her words pulled it out reaching for her mind
Kem leaned over my shoulder and sang softly into my ear, his songs and her words were of a pristine kind
I indulged in her words, sauntered in her heart, kissed every inch I could find
She had climaxed my heart to a state I had been trying to reach for a very long time

I read as much of her poetry as I could, afraid that to much of this ecstasy would be like flying to close to the sun on the indigo wings she so carefully placed on my back
I turned around slowly as if each fragment of each second could be savored, as if each millisecond was exact
Her smile was there, her crown draped down beautifully over onto her face, I walked toward her to clutch this queen
I would wander down to her breast but could not help to return to her eyes, the first beautiful things on her that I had seen
I would penetrate her, becoming inextricable with this poetic love, if fate would not intervene
Floetry harmonized, “its getting late” there where many things that could be done now it would seem

Lauren had taught me how to handle someone of this magnitude
I destroyed all of my bastions enabled by her blessing of new passionate fortitude
My body became inflamed
I caressed her as she came
She returned the favor all the same
My tongue ran across a landscape, a mahogany, quintessence of a plain

In that moment I would live forever
The way she combined a zenith of intellectual composition with her physical body was always clever
So for the rest of eternity I lived in that moment
Creating something more than verbs and nouns could capture, in this existence I would ferment
Passion was never absent, our aurora always brilliant, on a path of continual ascent
She warranted my body, with an appetite so flagrant, stop we mustn’t, our union was nascent
She is my India, my Heather, my Lauren, my Vivian, my Floetry, and my guilty pleasure, in our quarters, my salient savant



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Seduction

Picture by Luis Royo
 

Embrace

Picture by Luis Royo

Purify Me

Once again I stood in the shower washing away my sins
Once again I scrubbed hard trying to remove a filth that was beneath my skin
The cowardice, the weakness, the shame, and dishonor
The pain, the delight, the sadness, and regrets, I ponder
Once again when I will get the strength to break this cycle of pain
Once again when will I see the benefits of the gain
I have a problem, inextricable with my foundation
I have many issues, road blocks to some of my destinations
Once again I plea, is my father disappointed in me, I know I am
Once again he loves me, and shows me his grace, I know I can
So when I stop this cycle, I no longer will have to deal with my shame
Once again when I will know that I am the only one to blame



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock

Calm my spirit sooth my soul
For which is best to make me whole
Hear my words, feel my cries
Love me more, as all of me dies
Sing my song, caress my thought
Remember for honor is what I fought
Smile for me now, smile for me then
Treat me as we were the best of friends
Because when I’m gone I’ll express no more
Just remember my smile as I close the door



Copyright © 2006 Domonique Murdock